“….sometimes a fantasy,  is all you need.”

I often say that I live so much of my life inside of my head.    I think I have a healthy respect and appreciation for fantasy.    Though some times you definitely need real life things too.     I went and got my insulin today.      I was thrilled that with my new insurance the co-pay was only three dollars and thirty cents.       Given that Walmart charges $120 (the cheapest regular retail price I know of) this alone makes the insurance a great value.    I will have to make an appointment and go back and see my doctor.    I am going to insist he refer me to a shrink to manage my psych meds.     I am a happy camper to be getting most of my meds at this point and look forward to having them all in the not too distant future.

I’m honestly not sure where I am at the moment on the manic-depressive scale.    I seem to have backed off the major mania and have been sleeping more or less regularly for several days now.  And I am definitely finding it difficult and a struggle to write much of anything at all.    I am doing some socializing and some game playing  (I continue to really enjoy The Sims on Facebook.      I was sad to find that my current lappy just isn’t up to playing the current version of The Sims 2  (the CD Rom game.)   But I haven’t been able to bring myself to touch the manuscript for the Missions Guide I have been planning to release on July 1st,  on the one year anniversary of the initial publication of Walking Down The Avenue.    And after putting up a web site and writing some introductory bally hoo,  I haven’t really worked on the pseudonymous project at all either.    (Sighs.)

I know that if I am going to have the new book ready for release July 1st I need to start writing it in earnest like yesterday.    Yet as I gain more experience with Empire Avenue missions each day,   I find my perspective shifting so rapidly that I’m honestly not sure what I am going to write.      I try to comfort myself with the thought that when I am quite certain what I want my guide to using Empire Avenue missions to say I will be able to knock it out in no time at all,  and aren’t I wise not to try to force a book that just isn’t there yet.     I find this small comfort compared to my serious writer friends (who aren’t collecting disability) who set themselves a budget of so many words or so many pages and force themselves to work at it each day until the day’s budget has been produced.    Writing on a drop dead line really is so much harder than writing when the inspiration strikes.